I've got to prepare for being a real adult now so I can no longer have a "student attitude," of "it'll get done eventually."
Because "eventually" becomes now, and procrastinating has real life consequences—not just a suffering grade. That's pretty scary when all you've known is school and part-time jobs for 22 years.
The hardest part about dealing with anxiety has to be how it affects the people around you, though.
 |
| Taken from http://favim.com/image/4603877/ |
When you have anxiety, you don't get to control what bothers you. Which for some people, makes the anxiety worse.
I'm not really sure what started my anxiety, but I remember the first time I had an attack. Two years ago, I thought that I was handling my job, school, and personal life well.
I was driving down south Western, and all of a sudden I couldn't breathe because it felt like someone was sitting on my chest. My ears were ringing, and I thought I was going to pass out.
It happened at a stoplight, and I'm sure if any of the other cars looked over at me, I probably looked like I was crazy.
I was terrified. Not knowing what was happening, I managed to make it home gasping for air, crying, and clueless as to what was happening to me.
My boyfriend of five years, Jake, was panicking after I walked in the door because he didn't know what was wrong, and I couldn't catch my breath long enough to tell him. All I could get out was, "I-- Can't..... Breathe."
Poor guy wanted to rush me to the hospital. Maybe I should have gone.
It took 2 more months of these random episodes for me to go to my doctor, where she told me I had severe anxiety, and put me on medication, which I was able to stop taking in about a year.
Since stopping, I haven't had severe attacks; the worst one happened Tuesday, as all of my projects were due, graduation is quickly approaching, and everything in life is changing. I don't handle sudden, big changes very well.
I hated that during this last anxiety attack, I couldn't explain to Jake what was bothering me. "Everything" just doesn't seem to do it. Plus, he's a fixer, so if I tell him something bothers me, he wants to help by fixing whatever it is so I can be happy.
He really is a fantastic guy.
The thing is, I don't know if you can just fix anxiety. And it's almost impossible to explain to someone,who has never had anxiety, why you feel anxious about something that seems like a completely normal and simple situation to them.
Luckily for me, my family and my loving boyfriend support me when I have these tough times, and they don't judge me. Sometimes I know that they get frustrated, but it's because they want to help me, and sometimes don't know how.
Word of advice if you have someone you love that deals with anxiety: they want to be better, and they're trying their best for you too.
Sincerely,
A Pondering Pen
No comments:
Post a Comment