Trying to explain anxiety

As someone that has been dealing with anxiety for the past two years, I feel like everything is starting to come to a head in the coming weeks. I can feel my chest starting to tighten just thinking about it.

I've got to prepare for being a real adult now so I can no longer have a "student attitude," of "it'll get done eventually."

Because "eventually" becomes now, and procrastinating has real life consequences—not just a suffering grade. That's pretty scary when all you've known is school and part-time jobs for 22 years.

The hardest part about dealing with anxiety has to be how it affects the people around you, though.

Taken from http://favim.com/image/4603877/

When you have anxiety, you don't get to control what bothers you. Which for some people, makes the anxiety worse.

I'm not really sure what started my anxiety, but I remember the first time I had an attack. Two years ago, I thought that I was handling my job, school, and personal life well.

I was driving down south Western, and all of a sudden I couldn't breathe because it felt like someone was sitting on my chest. My ears were ringing, and I thought I was going to pass out.

It happened at a stoplight, and I'm sure if any of the other cars looked over at me, I probably looked like I was crazy.

I was terrified. Not knowing what was happening, I managed to make it home gasping for air, crying, and clueless as to what was happening to me.

My boyfriend of five years, Jake, was panicking after I walked in the door because he didn't know what was wrong, and I couldn't catch my breath long enough to tell him. All I could get out was, "I-- Can't..... Breathe."

Poor guy wanted to rush me to the hospital. Maybe I should have gone.

It took 2 more months of these random episodes for me to go to my doctor, where she told me I had severe anxiety, and put me on medication, which I was able to stop taking in about a year.

Since stopping, I haven't had severe attacks; the worst one happened Tuesday, as all of my projects were due, graduation is quickly approaching, and everything in life is changing. I don't handle sudden, big changes very well.

I hated that during this last anxiety attack, I couldn't explain to Jake what was bothering me. "Everything" just doesn't seem to do it. Plus, he's a fixer, so if I tell him something bothers me, he wants to help by fixing whatever it is so I can be happy.

He really is a fantastic guy.

The thing is, I don't know if you can just fix anxiety. And it's almost impossible to explain to someone,who has never had anxiety, why you feel anxious about something that seems like a completely normal and simple situation to them.

Luckily for me, my family and my loving boyfriend support me when I have these tough times, and they don't judge me. Sometimes I know that they get frustrated, but it's because they want to help me, and sometimes don't know how.

Word of advice if you have someone you love that deals with anxiety: they want to be better, and they're trying their best for you too.

Sincerely,

                               A Pondering Pen

Motivation and procrastination

So something really personal about me: I recently found out I have an under-active thyroid that most likely was a result from taking prescribed anti-depressants last year. So that kind of sucks.

If you know me personally, you'd know that I've been struggling with my weight and motivation the past couple of months. I constantly feel motivated to improve myself at the worst times, like 2 a.m.

It's terrible because no one goes to the gym at 2 a.m. when they have to get up at 7. So that's something to work on.

I hope that writing this will make me feel more accountable, because I told you guys I want to change, so now I actually have to do it.

Blogger Sara Rash-From Texas With Love

Something that's been motivating me is I keep seeing these super successful, gorgeous people. Even more motivating is that they are usually my age.

For instance, Sara Rash here is a blogger and just seems like she has her life put together.

I mean, I know I don't have a photographer following me around to take pictures of me as I stop to contemplate the world and its intricacies on top of a hay bale, but still.

She seems so well put together and it's hard not to feel envious.

It makes me stop and think, "If they can do it, why can't I?"

Oh yeah, I'm the kind of person who procrastinates everything, gets anxious about the little things, and I can't seem to get my weight in control.

It also doesn't help that I hate your regular staples of what is considered "healthy food" and feel tired constantly.

I mean, I tried the Paleo "lifestyle change" last year for about six months, and honestly it wasn't terrible. After the first three weeks of dying and hating myself for putting myself through this, it was really easy to say no to processed foods.

I think my boyfriend and I lost a lot of weight, just by eating better; he lost about 30 pounds and I lost 15. This was with no added exercise, so I'm sure we would have been looking pretty sexy if we tried a little harder.

We stopped eating Paleo because funds became tight, as I was starting my last year of college and all that jazz.

But I think we'll hop back on since we know we can do it, and the food is, for the most part, pretty great.

I mean, we'll still probably have treat days, because everyone deserves to TREAT YO'SELF. But note to self: "treat yo self" is a scared day in which one does not let bleed into other days of the week.

Sincerely,

                               A Pondering Pen