I'm not sure when it became OK in our culture to tell people to smile. Now, that first sentence sounds a little ridiculous, because people are just trying to be nice, right?
 |
| How about no? |
After speaking with multiple women-- since the guys I asked never seemed to have this problem-- they all had a unanimous feeling of annoyance toward the sentiment. Let's take a second to think about when women are told to smile:
- At the grocery store (which most people can agree can be an annoying task by itself)
- At the gas station
- At work
- At the bar (usually as a pick-up line)
- Walking to work
- The gym
This list could be endless.
It's crazy that this is even a thing, because it isn't like this in Europe, or major cities. If someone stops to tell you to smile, you appropriately look at them like they're crazy-- but only if you aren't from the south/ midwest.
Now, out of the around 20 women I spoke to about this, all of them had AT LEAST one story where they had to deal with this awkward situation. I don't want to speak for everyone so I'll tell you about the most awkward instance of this situation from my own past experiences.
I had a co-worker who was very nice and pleasant to work with. He was funny and always had something witty to say. The guy was cool.
It's crazy that this is even a thing, because it isn't like this in Europe, or major cities. If someone stops to tell you to smile, you appropriately look at them like they're crazy-- but only if you aren't from the south/ midwest.
Now, out of the around 20 women I spoke to about this, all of them had AT LEAST one story where they had to deal with this awkward situation. I don't want to speak for everyone so I'll tell you about the most awkward instance of this situation from my own past experiences.
I had a co-worker who was very nice and pleasant to work with. He was funny and always had something witty to say. The guy was cool.
A little background though: he was married and around 25.
Now, this all started my first week at the job, when I was walking to my boss' office. Co-worker guy saw me, and said, "You always look so mad, are you OK?
To which, I answered, "Oh, I promise I'm not mad. I've been told I have Resting Bitch Face, so that's probably it."
He replied, "Well you should smile more, Honey, you look much prettier that way."
Did he drop it? No. He did not.
Every day for the following two months, if I saw this co-worker in the office, he would stop and tell me to smile.
But did he leave it at that? No. He did not.
He would stand there, and wait, and keep saying smile until I forced an awkward smile to appease him.
Why? Why would he think that's OK? Does he do that to male coworkers that also have RBF? Why is it OK in our society for men to force women to smile?
I also want to point out that women are expected to be soft, understanding, and kind, so if we call out a guy for acting creepy, we are labeled as a "bitch" instead of assertive. I shouldn't be told how to feel.
What my coworker did made me uncomfortable, and as an introvert it also gave me a lot anxiety. I know he wasn't hitting on me since he is married, and he wasn't an older gentleman. This was a new generation with the same old problem, so women should look pretty and take it for the compliment it is.
It felt like I had to always look happy to appease the people around me, to make a prettier background for their lives, and that's not OK.
From a recent response from a user on Reddit when this situation came up:
Imagine telling someone they are prettier when they smile, and they responded that their parent just died?
Would you feel uncomfortable?
Imagine how they feel when they're reminded by a complete stranger why they aren't smiling, if there is a specific reason. Like, hey, maybe I went out for a jog through the park to get my mind off things, not to have some rando remind me of what I came to get my mind off of.
I'm not saying don't greet someone on the street or strike up a conversation with a stranger; that's what makes people more well-rounded and communicating is what makes us human.
The point is: if I am having a bad day, then I shouldn't have to smile. If I don't want to walk around looking like a maniac, then I shouldn't have to smile. And that should be that.
I also want to point out that women are expected to be soft, understanding, and kind, so if we call out a guy for acting creepy, we are labeled as a "bitch" instead of assertive. I shouldn't be told how to feel.
What my coworker did made me uncomfortable, and as an introvert it also gave me a lot anxiety. I know he wasn't hitting on me since he is married, and he wasn't an older gentleman. This was a new generation with the same old problem, so women should look pretty and take it for the compliment it is.
It felt like I had to always look happy to appease the people around me, to make a prettier background for their lives, and that's not OK.
From a recent response from a user on Reddit when this situation came up:
"Jesus Christ people get SO MAD over the smallest things people say. I personally have never told a girl to smile, but it's not meant to be harmful at all, I'm sorry if some dude said it to you at a wrong time but people in this thread are claiming that the guy is objectifying them? Cmon that's a reach, it's a shitty pickup line and an attempt to be "charming" it's not the end of the world. Besides I guarantee if a girl was interested in the guy, and he said some shit like that you bet your ass the girl would be blushing and smiling."I have to disagree and say that it's not a small thing to tell a complete stranger how to feel, look, or act no matter the situation. It's a huge faux pas, and to say that and not consider what the other person might be going through is an even bigger faux pas.
Imagine telling someone they are prettier when they smile, and they responded that their parent just died?
Would you feel uncomfortable?
Imagine how they feel when they're reminded by a complete stranger why they aren't smiling, if there is a specific reason. Like, hey, maybe I went out for a jog through the park to get my mind off things, not to have some rando remind me of what I came to get my mind off of.
I'm not saying don't greet someone on the street or strike up a conversation with a stranger; that's what makes people more well-rounded and communicating is what makes us human.
The point is: if I am having a bad day, then I shouldn't have to smile. If I don't want to walk around looking like a maniac, then I shouldn't have to smile. And that should be that.
Sincerely,
A Pondering Pen
No comments:
Post a Comment