Trying to explain anxiety

As someone that has been dealing with anxiety for the past two years, I feel like everything is starting to come to a head in the coming weeks. I can feel my chest starting to tighten just thinking about it.

I've got to prepare for being a real adult now so I can no longer have a "student attitude," of "it'll get done eventually."

Because "eventually" becomes now, and procrastinating has real life consequences—not just a suffering grade. That's pretty scary when all you've known is school and part-time jobs for 22 years.

The hardest part about dealing with anxiety has to be how it affects the people around you, though.

Taken from http://favim.com/image/4603877/

When you have anxiety, you don't get to control what bothers you. Which for some people, makes the anxiety worse.

I'm not really sure what started my anxiety, but I remember the first time I had an attack. Two years ago, I thought that I was handling my job, school, and personal life well.

I was driving down south Western, and all of a sudden I couldn't breathe because it felt like someone was sitting on my chest. My ears were ringing, and I thought I was going to pass out.

It happened at a stoplight, and I'm sure if any of the other cars looked over at me, I probably looked like I was crazy.

I was terrified. Not knowing what was happening, I managed to make it home gasping for air, crying, and clueless as to what was happening to me.

My boyfriend of five years, Jake, was panicking after I walked in the door because he didn't know what was wrong, and I couldn't catch my breath long enough to tell him. All I could get out was, "I-- Can't..... Breathe."

Poor guy wanted to rush me to the hospital. Maybe I should have gone.

It took 2 more months of these random episodes for me to go to my doctor, where she told me I had severe anxiety, and put me on medication, which I was able to stop taking in about a year.

Since stopping, I haven't had severe attacks; the worst one happened Tuesday, as all of my projects were due, graduation is quickly approaching, and everything in life is changing. I don't handle sudden, big changes very well.

I hated that during this last anxiety attack, I couldn't explain to Jake what was bothering me. "Everything" just doesn't seem to do it. Plus, he's a fixer, so if I tell him something bothers me, he wants to help by fixing whatever it is so I can be happy.

He really is a fantastic guy.

The thing is, I don't know if you can just fix anxiety. And it's almost impossible to explain to someone,who has never had anxiety, why you feel anxious about something that seems like a completely normal and simple situation to them.

Luckily for me, my family and my loving boyfriend support me when I have these tough times, and they don't judge me. Sometimes I know that they get frustrated, but it's because they want to help me, and sometimes don't know how.

Word of advice if you have someone you love that deals with anxiety: they want to be better, and they're trying their best for you too.

Sincerely,

                               A Pondering Pen

Butter in my morning brew

In the past year or so, I've started to really have a love for coffee. As a college student, I had decided that if I would ever survive working a 40-hour week and a 17-credit hour semester, I needed the bitter nectar in my life.


I forced myself to drink it until I didn't hate it anymore, basically.

Well I've been trying a lot of new things with my coffee, just so that it isn't the same old, same old every single morning.

Recently I've tried 2 new methods when making my mornin' cup o' Joe: using Stevia and adding butter.


DISCLAIMER.

I love my coffee with creamer and sugar, which for some reason opens you up for jokes in the newsroom. Oh well; I like what I like.

Anyway, I was recently turned on to Stevia, which is a sugar substitute that is much sweeter and a much healthier alternative to regular sugar, as it is derived from the leaves of stevia plants.

It has been used in Latin American cultures for centuries, and also shows to have additional health benefits.

Plus, it's only $6 for a bag at your local WalMart or Crest, or probably any health food store, and it seems to last longer than sugar.

Stevia; sugar substitute. Looks like Colombian Bam Bam but oh well.

It's light, almost like powdered sugar, and by using it, I've noticed that I can use less than half of the sugar I used to put in my coffee. It's just that sweet. If that isn't a plus, then I don't know what is.

I'd like to try baking desserts with it, so you'll have to look out for that post!

OK, so here is the crazy one: butter in my coffee.

Yeah, that's right. Butter. In. My. Coffee.

Everyone that I've spoken with about it has either shown absolute disgust for the idea, or was really interested as to why I've been doing it.

It all goes back to the kind of butter you use. Kerry Gold, an Irish, imported, grass-fed butter, is the most common type that I've seen.

Grass-fed butter is one of the healthiest fats you can find, and before you think, "but fats are bad right?" just listen.

Now I can really get into the 400 different fatty acids that are found in grass-fed butter, but I'll spare you all of that talk. If you want to read more up on it, check out EcoWatch.

Basically, this butter contains a whole heck of a lot of conjugated linoleic acid (CLA), which is a very popular weight loss supplement.

Not only is it great for your metabolism, but it drastically reduces your chances of heart disease.

Keep in mind, all things in moderation. It is still butter, so I don't eat a lot of it, but I try to put a little dab in my morning coffee once a day.

Honestly, not only does it taste good now, it really makes me feel better. I feel more awake and energized. Seriously.

I used to drink 2-3 cups of coffee each morning, but now I feel great after just one. Sometimes, I only drink half a cup now for that same reason!

I recommend trying it if you want another small thing to help boost your metabolism, or you should just try it because it's new, and you can't knock it until you do.

Sincerely,

                               A Pondering Pen

A day of infamy: forgotten

"What happened on December 7 in 1941?"

My professor posed this question to my History of Journalism class this morning. I have to say I was embarrassed that one of the other students, known for inserting small comments every now and then, confidently interjected, "D-Day."

Pearl Harbor is the second largest terrorist attack that occurred on American soil in our country's history. Over 2,400 Americans died, military and civilians combined, and my generation doesn't even know the date by heart.

The USS Arizona Memorial where around 1,000 men are entombed in the harbor still.

Ask a Millenial what happened on September 11, 2001 and they will all be able to answer that correctly. Almost 3,000 people died on 9/11— just 600 people more, but it sticks out in my generation's memory just because it was more recent.

Our public education system is failing my generation if we can't also rattle off what occurred on that day in 1941 just as quickly as 9/11.

I count myself lucky that I come from a military family where sharing knowledge and history is common. I know some people aren't as fortunate in that aspect, but I don't think there is an excuse for not knowing when Pearl Harbor happened.

It was like the 9/11 attack of their time, and we should know that by heart.

"Yesterday, December 7, 1941 — a date which will live in infamy — the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan."

President Franklin D. Roosevelt was quoted saying the above to Congress in a call to war speech that made history in itself.

I believe that we need to continue to bring this up to the younger generations— along with the other events that occurred before, and since. Educate them, show them the grisly images, the screaming of citizens and the billows of smoke coming from the bombed carriers.

The past is ugly, and we need to know it so that we can avoid it for the future.

Remember, if we do not teach and do not know what happened in the past, we are doomed to repeat it.

Sincerely,

                               A Pondering Pen

Motivation and procrastination

So something really personal about me: I recently found out I have an under-active thyroid that most likely was a result from taking prescribed anti-depressants last year. So that kind of sucks.

If you know me personally, you'd know that I've been struggling with my weight and motivation the past couple of months. I constantly feel motivated to improve myself at the worst times, like 2 a.m.

It's terrible because no one goes to the gym at 2 a.m. when they have to get up at 7. So that's something to work on.

I hope that writing this will make me feel more accountable, because I told you guys I want to change, so now I actually have to do it.

Blogger Sara Rash-From Texas With Love

Something that's been motivating me is I keep seeing these super successful, gorgeous people. Even more motivating is that they are usually my age.

For instance, Sara Rash here is a blogger and just seems like she has her life put together.

I mean, I know I don't have a photographer following me around to take pictures of me as I stop to contemplate the world and its intricacies on top of a hay bale, but still.

She seems so well put together and it's hard not to feel envious.

It makes me stop and think, "If they can do it, why can't I?"

Oh yeah, I'm the kind of person who procrastinates everything, gets anxious about the little things, and I can't seem to get my weight in control.

It also doesn't help that I hate your regular staples of what is considered "healthy food" and feel tired constantly.

I mean, I tried the Paleo "lifestyle change" last year for about six months, and honestly it wasn't terrible. After the first three weeks of dying and hating myself for putting myself through this, it was really easy to say no to processed foods.

I think my boyfriend and I lost a lot of weight, just by eating better; he lost about 30 pounds and I lost 15. This was with no added exercise, so I'm sure we would have been looking pretty sexy if we tried a little harder.

We stopped eating Paleo because funds became tight, as I was starting my last year of college and all that jazz.

But I think we'll hop back on since we know we can do it, and the food is, for the most part, pretty great.

I mean, we'll still probably have treat days, because everyone deserves to TREAT YO'SELF. But note to self: "treat yo self" is a scared day in which one does not let bleed into other days of the week.

Sincerely,

                               A Pondering Pen

Cred on the streets and in the kitchen

Hold onto your pants you guys, we just found a replacement show while we wait for HBO to finish filming Game of Thrones.

On a real note, Martha and Snoop's Potluck Dinner Party premiered on Monday and I think it was a great way to relax and have fun in the midst of all the craziness of the election.

I haven't gotten to watch it yet, as I was covering the election in our newsroom (we had 15,000 viewers that tuned in to our TRILINGUAL coverage of the election), but you can bet I will be hopping on that gravy train ASAP.

The first episode is called "Putting the Pot in Potluck" and they actually don't make what you'd see at a potluck— shocking I know.

They had a specialty fried chicken cook-off with guests actor Seth Rogan, and rappers Ice Cube and Wiz Khalifa.

I'm definitely going to tune out the negativity and hate from the election, and tune in to possibly get an incredible fried chicken recipe.

I also want to point out that Snoop Dogg, formerly known as Snoop Lion and formerly formerly known as Snoop Dogg, is hilarious by himself. If you haven't seen him narrate otters in a nature documentary, please look at the video below.



It's adorable. I don't really know what else to say about that.

Some people have critiqued VH1 saying, "they must be running out of ideas," but I think that this brainchild will be so entertaining to watch.

Stay tuned, I'll be back with updates, but I promise I won't spoil who won the cook-off!

UPDATE:

That was probably the best show I've watched in a long time! I haven't laughed that hard in a hot minute, so I recommend checking it out.

Sincerely,

                               A Pondering Pen

No singing on Thanksgiving?

Alright guys.

It's the day after Halloween and we all know what that means:

1.  Rush to your local market and grab a bag of Halloween candy for $1. If it's not $1, it's not worth it.
2. And also:

Good ol' Ned telling it how it is.

I've already seen people posting their Christmas playlists with the hashtags, #NoShame with date countdowns.

Be proud, I guess.

I just find it really strange that Thanksgiving doesn't really have any holiday songs and there is a huge market for it.

I for one, would jam out to Thanksgiving music for the next month if I could. Instead, I have to watch Bob's Burgers Thanksgiving episodes on repeat to get in the holiday spirit— not that I'm complaining. 

For example, my family and I listen to Twisted Sister's Christmas song covers, the album is titled "A Twisted Christmas" by the way, and I think that maybe they can come up with something, yeah?

Maybe songs about your crazy uncle getting drunk, grandpa burning the turkey and grandma losing it, or little Joey eating too much turkey and throwing up. You know, normal family holiday craziness. 

I'd buy it.                      
                                                        Sincerely,

                               A Pondering Pen                                               

Fall? More like fail.

This fall has been really disappointing so far.

The leaves are changing, the grass on campus is dying and yet they are still watering it, and people like me are walking around in fall/winter gear despite the 80 degree weather outside.

Like we're just hoping that if we believe, that real fall weather will arrive.

I heard today that we are supposed to have a very mild winter, and that in itself was a bummer.

I'm ready for the chilly mornings, and to stuff myself with my grandpa's legendary Thanksgiving ham.

Also, my Christmas tree is just waiting to be put up. And you can't do that when it's "mild" outside!

It should be getting colder for the snow. How many years has it been since Oklahoma had a white Christmas?

Perhaps the real problem is location. I should start planning on moving to the east coast sooner if the weather there is more "normal" for the seasons.

It just stinks when you appreciate Southern hospitality so much.

Either way, despite my post about pumpkin spice season, I have yet to buy my first pumpkin spice latte for the year.

Why?

You can probably guess.

It's too hot!

I don't know about you guys, but I plan on going home, turning my AC unit up full blast, and I'm going to pretend that I'm outside, and try to delude myself into thinking it's cold enough for some warm tea.

Sincerely,

                               A Pondering Pen